Dear Diary Help Me
by wishful thoughts
Summary: An excerpt from Hermiones Diary a few days before her divorce from Draco.
1. Chapter 1

Diary excerpt from Hermiones. She is about to be divorced from draco and shes trying to get out all of her thoughts and feelings to stop hurting a bit.

Monday Feb 02, 2006

We married too soon and only then for our now growing child. I didn't love him then, so why do i hurt so much now? He is and was nothing but mean. His family hated me and pushed us apart. Why do i cry over him? why do i care? Why is he the only one i want, when before i didn't care? He cheated and hit, with our new baby only 20 days old. But i kept trying hoping it would stop.

Why is my heart breaking, i dont understand. He says he never loved me, can that really be true? Atleast 1 year of happyness i can guarantee. We did date for a year and moved intogether. Our daughter looks so much like him it makes me cry more. I wish i would never of married him or informed him of her. It would make it much easier, i could move on then, never to have to see him or his mother and father again. He betrayed me and now denies, and blames it all on me.

Why cant i stop caring what this man no BOY thinks? I wish i was empty, but even more so dead. The only thing keeping me alive is the baby in my bed. His parents won out in the end and now he's with them, living at home like a child again. While i sit here struggling try to feed my child. Barely eating myself to make sure she isn't ever hungry. My heart is in peices and i doubt i will learn to trust again. I know i dont love him, well i keep telling myself. He made so many threats, to steal our daughter away, and even carried out some, that pyshically hurt me.

Will the tears ever end? He doesnt deserve them. Will i ever heal? He has the nerve to wish me well in future relationship's; thats bloody fantastic; i hope his all rot in hell. But i smile and pretend, i know im better off but it hurts all the same. Draco may be happy, but i pray he's miserable. Why should he get away with destroying my life. His father is arrogant and is forming Draco to be like him. Its already working, i hear it in his words. His mother is a bitch, back stabbing an evil, teaching Draco the ways to be.

Living with Mummy and daddy must be nice.. Not having to do a thing. He'll never grow up andi truly feel for his next wife. I may be broken now but im still a Gryffindor. Brave and courageous, blah blah doesnt mean much now. I feel all alone, though i have her, Zoe Elizabeth Malfoy ( i really regret him now, messing up her beautiful name) my whole life, my world.

Although I would still give almost anything for a little male attention. No not Harry or Ron ugh they wouldnt know where to start.. I dont even know why, i guess its nice to feel wanted, if from something other than a baby. To know someone is interested in me. Would care about what i think. Adult attention is what i do need. So i guess to end this night my dear diary i'll say give me more strength i'll need it even more now.. If only because I'll see him on wednesday.

Hermione

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_Hope you liked it.. Its about midnight and its basically me.. Im going though it all and wanted to get my feelings out.. They have been so bottled up, it does feel a little nice. I thought it would make an interesting little Draco/Hermione thing... Let me know.. im still new at this! I might do more, for after the divorce as soon as i get there in life though.. There will be a lot of moments to take, that im sure would apply.._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much for your review. Im glad you liked it! Writing has been very helpful for me.._

March 23, 2006

Dear Diary

We have been divorced for about 3 weeks now. He decided to call me the day after and tell me about all his "fun" he had while we were fighting about details. He already has a girlfriend. She is 20 years older than him.. Oh well, another mummy for him. He constantly owls me and tells me what fun he has had the previous night. I just throw it straight into the fire. He actually learned hwo to use a phone just to be able to call and toment me. Luckily i have caller id, which i dont think he knows about. HA. He has already bailed on our daughter. He has the basic visitation, and owled to let me know he cant take her this weekend because he didnt feel good. It was fine with me. More time with her. His parents and family were trying to get him together with someone else even before we were divorced.

I am starting to heal. I didnt beleive it was ever possible, but i am. Harry and Ron have helped so much, but they can only do so much. They are both happily married, Ron has twins on the way. Ginny has been trying to set me up on dates, but i dont think im ready for it yet. I am working now. I am working for the Department of Magical Cooperation. Right now im only a secretary, but im going to work my way up.

I keep my self busy. I do anything i can during the day to exhast myself so i will fall asleep without thinking of him. Im going to a Universityso that i wont be a secretary all my life. I run a lot more, and the school work occupies a lot of my time when Zoe is asleep. I have to keep telling myself it will get better, i will stop loving him, i wont hurt anymore. The pain is slowly fading. Slowly.

Zoe is doing great. She is walking around everywhere now. Her magic is very powerful. She can make it rain when she crys, and she loves making things float around. She is going to be a powerful little witch.

The days keep passing, and they seem to go faster and faster as each one closes. My birthday is rapidly approaching andi want to be happy by then. Its gettng easier to pretend to be happy around Zoe. Although it might just be me healing, and less pretending. Well diary for today im going to ask for peace. I need peace in my heart to get by. And keep me busy.

Hermione


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